In Loving Memory Of
Alexandria Caterina Cole was born in Culver City, CA, July 26, 1992. She passed away April 20, 2009, at her home in Topanga CA of undetermined cause. Alley attended Children's Corner pre-school, Topanga Elementary, Paul Revere Middle School, Pali High, and Merlin High through the 11th grade. She is survived by her father, Dave Cole, her brother, Greyson Cole, and her mother, Nancy Marcucella.
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As a baby, Alexandria was known as "the chub" because of her fat cheeks and smiling face. She could be found bouncing happily at the front desk of her mom's office greeting patients as they came and went. Her name changed to "the buglet" as she grew into a toddler and could be found assisting mom by massaging patients' feet with her tiny hands. As she grew into a young girl with her deep, copper eyes and sweet smile, she would announce herself with "Hi, I'm Alley Cat" – short for Alexandria Caterina.
Alley loved to perform. On the stage she glowed, a shining star, a joy and presence that was beautiful to behold. Through middle school and freshman year, she dreamed of being an actress and sang and danced her way through school plays, Nutcrackers, and auditions. While attending Merlin High last year as a sophomore, Alley had the pleasure of doing an internship in the fashion world under Justin Kern and several well-known fashion photographers. Her love of reading and writing combined with her excitement for fashion as art enticed Alley to reconsider her career goals. She had a new passion, fashion, and dreamed of being a fashion editor.
Alley Cole was special. She was tiny – smaller than most of her friends but big in heart and full of love. She was passionate, edgy, compassionate, and wise for her years. A little Leo lioness, she was strong, vibrant, and intelligent with her own ideas and an amazing sense of style. Those who had the pleasure of meeting her will be happy that they had the good fortune to know Alley Cole. She was loved; loved by her family and loved by her friends, and she will be so sadly missed. – Nancy Marcucella
Memorial at Theatricum
In reflecting back on that beautiful ceremony under the trees with the dappled sunlight, the wind gently blowing and the air so filled with love, healing words and ethereal music from the community, my strongest image was of the six lifelong friends of Alley sitting in the front row reserved for the participants. It was with some surprise that I realized that even after sixteen years, every one of them was still together living here in Topanga. How cold and impersonal would it be to have to go through this in the city and how grateful I felt for Nancy and her family to live in a community that will wrap it's arms around them to help them through this time of grief. – Laurie Edgerton
Memorial Eulogy, April 26, 2009
On behalf of Nancy, Dave and Grayson, I'd like to welcome all of you to Alley Cole's Celebration of Life Memorial. Even though we have to acknowledge the sadness of the occasion that has brought us together today, we should celebrate the years Alley had
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with us and be grateful for all the lives she touched. We should try our best to remain positive. I talked to Nancy a few days ago and she told me she was amazed at how much the human spirit could endure and adapt to. She said all she wanted was to take the 16 years she had with her beautiful baby girl and hold them in her heart … and then go forward.
Henry Scott Holland, a professor of divinity at Oxford University, has a soothing outlook on death: "Death is nothing at all…I have slipped away into the next room…Whatever we were to each other, that we still are…Let my name be ever the household word that it always was…Let it be spoken without the ghost of a shadow on it …Life means all that it ever meant…There is absolutely unbroken continuity…What is death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you–for an interval-somewhere near just around the corner. All is well."
Topanga was Alley's home where she developed deep and lasting bonds with other canyon children. As she grew into a lovely and stylish young woman, she developed a keen interest in acting. Some of you may have watched her perform on this stage. Later, she found her true passion in the world of fashion, and she had a true gift of writing stunning poetry that will be treasured.
Anyone who knew Alley could tell you that she always lived in the moment. She was filled with an enthusiasm and an excitement for adventure and fun. She was such a bright, shining star and there were times, I'm convinced, when I could actually see her light shine through the twinkle in her eye. I attended the Candlelight Vigil on Friday night and watched as fluttering insects were drawn to the light. I think Alley was like the light that has the power to attract. She was dainty and fairy-like with such beauty and grace and she could have been the inspiration for this quote: "For what is to die, but to stand in the sun and melt into the wind? And when the Earth has claimed our limbs, then we shall truly dance." Alley has taught us that life is short and the most important part of life is the people in it.
To Alley's Family: We all love you and want you to know we'll be there for you to help ease the suffering you're going through. Alley, we love and miss you. You have graced our lives more than you will ever know, but you will always live on in our minds and our hearts. For her special friends who have felt such great pain in the loss of their precious Alley, I hope you will take comfort in one of my favorite quotes from The Prophet by Kahil Gibran: "When you part from your friend you grieve not; for that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain." –Laurie Edgerton
Alley, I Love You
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Nothing in this world lasts. The exact same things which bring us happiness cause us pain in their absence. In light of this, it may be easy to say that the moments of happiness aren't worth the suffering we are all going through right now. But I don't think that there is anyone here who is sorry they knew Alley. I know I am not, and that gives meaning to my suffering. I am grateful for every one of the memories that I have of her, and I am glad I knew her so well. I am glad I can remember her face so clearly, and I'm glad I can remember making her laugh, and hearing her voice say, "Sam, I love you." It was usually just an offhand remark, but it's something I'm holding on to.
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For those of you who don't know me, I have been Alley's teacher for the last two years, last year for physics, this year for precalculus. If you knew Alley, you would know that these were her least favorite subjects. In spite of this, we formed a connection, and she used to tell me that she loved coming to my class; she just wished we could have it without all the math. Alley was one of three students in my class this year, and if there was something big going on in one of their lives, I would put the math on hold so that we could just talk. Alley appreciated this, and in retrospect, I am very grateful for the times I decided to share with them.
It was in one of these classes that something happened that I would like to share with you. It is a happy memory. A girl named Gideon came into my class, and I referred to her by my nickname for her, Gizmo. Alley asked, "How come you don't give us nicknames?" I looked at her, and said, "Well, Alley, if I gave you a nickname, it would be Button, because of your nose." The smile that she gave me when I said that was so big and so childlike... it is a memory that has helped me through much of this week. It is a smile that I saw again this week, in pictures of 3-year-old Alley, when I went with her classmates to her house.
I know we are gathered here to celebrate the life of Alexandria. But, I am having a hard time doing that. Though it was a beautiful life, full of love, and very worth celebrating, I am still so sad. Sad that she won't get to love college the way I promised her she would. Sad that we won't get to see her grow up, because we all know that in the moments that she dropped her tough teenager act, she was the sweetest, most caring person you knew. But I am a human, and I am selfish, and I am most sad that I will never get to see her again. I won't finish the conversations that I cut short because I was too busy, I will never be asked for another hug, or advice about boys. And I can't see anything about that to celebrate.
What I do see that is worth celebrating are the lives around me. All the people that I love, many of whom are here, are worth celebrating. And this is how I will celebrate: I will never be too busy. I will listen. I will give hugs, and always vocalize my love. And to my students, among whom there is one too few here, I will never let some frustration even momentarily cloud the fact that my goal is to help you grow up, into someone who is happy and loves life. I hope I can help comfort you in the weeks to come.
To Alley, all I have to say is – I miss you. To Nancy, Dave and Grayson, I have no words, but know that I am here to help in any way, even whacking weeds like you jokingly suggested. To everyone here, thank you for letting me share my feelings. – Sam Havens
Poems
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